A conversation about respite ministry.
Links for This Episode
Nathanael’s Hope (https://nathanielshope.org/)
Buddy Breaks (https://nathanielshope.org/our-programs/buddy-break/)
Make ‘m Smile SoCal, August 27, 2022 (https://nathanielshope.org/our-programs/make-m-smile/2022-socal/)
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Transcript
[Intro]
Today I talk to Tana Seufert of Nathaniel’s Hope, an organization that helps churches provide respite breaks for families with special needs. Did you know that some families of kids with special needs have been asked not to come back to a church? You’ll find out from our conversation why respite ministry is such a need for your community, how it works, and how your church can start a Buddy Break program too. And, exciting news: On August 27 (2022) they will be hosting an event called Make ‘em Smile in Moorpark, CA. This is a party celebrating people with a disability, or VIPs, as Nathaniel’s Hope calls them. I also got to hear from Tana about her daughter, Jennifer, who had special needs. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. First, I asked her to tell me about Buddy Break.
[Beginning] – Respite
Buddy Break is a respite ministry that churches can do. And we, Nathaniel’s Hope, does the program. They’ve been doing it for 15 years or so. Basically churches across the country have been doing our Buddy Break program and there’s even some in other countries that have been doing it. It’s basically where the parents get a break–or the parents or caregivers–get a break. The kids have a lot of fun, activities are provided and fun things for the kids. We give training for the leaders and they can in turn train their volunteers. And that way, too, the community is reached. We know that 10% of families with people who have disabilities are attending church. That’s a very small percentage. Usually when I talk to churches–because I do talk to churches around the country–only a few, even at very large churches, that are attending church, who have special needs. That really does reflect that statistic. We call VIPs–kids with special needs, we call them our VIPs. They are valued and incredibly purposed. So the program is really made for them. Often VIPs–they may have a hard time with socialization–and going to something that’s a social situation or event is really a lot of wondering if they are going to be fitting in. Buddy Break is made for them, it’s made for the VIPs, it’s made for the siblings as well. The siblings are invited because we know that siblings also need. So this gives them an opportunity to have some autonomy. Sometimes they like hanging out and playing with their VIP sibling but sometimes it’s really good for them to do something separate and they can choose, you know, I’d like to go over here and be in the bounce house or I’d like to do this. This gives them the opportunity. So we feel like this is really ministering to the whole family–the caregiver, the siblings, and the VIP.
Is there an age range of people that can be invited to come to Buddy Break?
No, in our training it’s 2-14 for siblings and 2-16 for VIPs, but basically that’s just a guideline, churches can have whatever age they would like. If they would like to do a Buddy Break for maybe teenagers they could do that. The only thing that would be different would be the activity that’s provided. To do it, even for adults, it would be the same thing, change the activities that would be provided. But basically the VIPs and siblings are matched one on one with a trained buddy. Just that connection, having a volunteer, a buddy, being with the VIP or the sibling for–it’s usually around 3 hours. Most churches do it on a Saturday, often 10am to 1pm, something like that. Some churches do it on a Friday night to give the parents a date night. And the same thing as far as the age range. Whatever the church sees the need for or whatever, they would like to have as the age range.
And you said everyone is matched one to one, so does that mean the number of volunteers you have determines how many kids can attend?
We like to think of it as the opposite, as far as that the parents sign up their kids–the VIPS and their siblings beforehand–so we would know exactly how many kids would like to attend and the buddies are also asked, are you available? Can you serve on the date that we have scheduled? And so basically let’s say that there’s a situation where there are more VIPs signed up than the buddies that are signed up, just ask the buddies that haven’t responded or aren’t sure. Say, I have 3 more VIPs that need a buddy, are you available? What often happens is that people become available. What the parents learn in their orientation before they start attending Buddy Break, is that if that happens, they will be at the top of the list the next month. Buddy Break is once a month. Like I said, that could also be determined by the church, but it is usually a once a month respite time so it’s a different day other than Sunday, because on Sunday your volunteers are already serving in a different area.
One question that I do get a lot is, some churches say, well we don’t have enough volunteers, even in our children’s ministry. We have found out from our experience of doing Buddy Break for all these years and we’ve seen it again and again–is that the volunteer buddies often overflow into Sunday morning ministry and other ministries. It’s really interesting how that works. When I was first told that I thought, “Really? Does it work that way?” It worked that way in our church, it really did. We say, don’t not think of not having Buddy Break because you are thinking you won’t have enough volunteers. When you show what it’s about, the need for respite, the need for parents to have respite, and time for them to maybe have a date night, some people go and take a nap, they go and do errands. It’s not like some of them are necessarily having a lot of fun, fun things. Some of them–we hope they can do–but many many are just doing errands and getting some much needed sleep.
Do you think that–I find it really interesting that you said that volunteers sometimes spill over into helping with children’s ministry. Do you think that could be that the volunteers start to see, oh, I can do this. Maybe they commit because it’s just once a month so it’s not a big deal, then they see, I can do this, I can be with kids. This is fun.
I think that’s exactly part of why it works out that way. Because they have that experience of being with the child for 3 hours. Then if they are asked, can you help on Sunday morning–it’s only an hour, hour and a half, they are much more apt to say yes. Also because they have that training. What I find too with volunteers is that if you just ask anyone, would you like to help with special needs ministry, there’s often maybe a fear there. It’s because they might say, well I don’t have any experience, I’m not a special needs teacher. I don’t know what I should do, I might say the wrong thing. What we tell volunteers is a), you don’t have to have experience, and b) all you have to have is an open heart. We encourage churches to show videos of parents sharing their needs of why they need respite because they do need respite and then how Buddy Break has really helped them. It really does impact their lives, the volunteers that have been there and have that experience. It’s like you said, I’m just hanging out with a kid. We’re doing different activities–that helps them get over that unknown. They have gone through training as well. All the buddies go through a 2 hour training that we provide to the churches. So when you tell a volunteer, you don’t have to have experience, you just have to have an open heart and we’ll provide training, it helps them get over that fear and any hesitation. It’s like, Oh, you’ll train me. That’s why I have found that people at the churches I’ve been involved with–that they are much more apt–people that you wouldn’t think would be open to being a buddy, actually, because they see the need and you say that you provide training. I don’t have to have experience, i just have to be willing. That helps them be open to volunteering.
I think it’s such a great community outreach. I could say, hey, my church is doing a respite night, and you’re invited. There’s such a need for it that I’ve seen because I know the parents and it just seems like such a great outreach for people that maybe have no experience with church or have had bad experiences with church. I think it’s just so needed for the families and also for the churches.
Yes, I think it’s exactly–that’s what I’ve heard that there are some parents that have had bad experiences or have been told, don’t come back. Either they don’t want the whole family coming back or they don’t want the family coming back because of their VIP child. That just breaks my heart–that they are told that. I think that churches don’t have the tools, they maybe don’t have the understanding about how they can accommodate kids with any type of disability. We say to start small, we say to just start with the people that you know in your church, families you know in your church. Start small and grow small because you don’t want to have a huge program and then it often is just too big to start out with. We say start small, grow small. Grow as you can as well. I feel like the church–it’s great for the church like you said because it’s a way for the church to let the families know, we understand and we see the need for respite for you and here’s a practical way of helping you meet that need. So yeah, I think it’s a great tool, a great ministry for the church. It’s just really like you say, it’s a win-win for everybody.
[Interlude]
Could you tell me about yourself, your family and how it is that you got into working for Nathaniel’s Hope?
Sure, I’ve been–I’ll be married 38 years in a couple months and we have a son who lives near us and we have a daughter who lives in heaven. She was born with a rare liver disease. She was developing normally and at about age 15 months old she had a liver transplant. Basically her liver started shutting down before she got that transplant, that transplant helped save her life but the next day she had brain bleed and brain swelling so at that point she became disabled. She was a quadriplegic, she could not talk, she was talking before. She was cortically blind, she had scoliosis, she had seizures. Later on she had a respiratory–she needed help, I had to suction her and things like that. Later in life she developed sleep apnea, and she had kidney problems. She ended up with a trach, and she had diabetes, so she had a lot of medical needs. And after she passed, basically I knew God was calling me to do special needs ministry.
How old was she when she passed?
She was 21 ½ years old. All that time, I took care of her 24/7. So I really understand the need for respite because I was often not getting enough sleep, and I often would use the respite time I got to sleep and do errands so I really understand that need. So yeah, that was in 2009. Since that time, since about 2010 I have been doing special needs ministry. At the church I was at, that was as a volunteer, I was on staff as office admin person, but I was doing volunteering, doing special needs ministry. I eventually heard about Nathaniel’s Hope and Buddy Break. So I went to their training and met Marie, the co-founder of Nathaniel’s Hope. She and her husband founded Nathaniel’s Hope and they are the parents of Nathaniel so I got to know their story and shared about my story. We have similarities, both of our kids have passed on to heaven. Nathaniel also had lots of medical needs. So we just got to–developed a friendship as well and eventually I came on staff I think it was about 2019 that I came on staff with Nathaniel’s Hope.
What’s your daughter’s name?
My daughters’ name is Jennifer. What I like to say about her is that even though she was nonverbal and she could not do anything for herself, she was the most joyful person, she was the most content person, she was the most peaceful person–the person that I really saw the fruit of the Spirit evidenced in her life [Galatians 5:22-23]. She was the strongest person I know. Someone like her who is in a wheelchair and can’t’ do anything for herself. It was because of God in her, the bible says when we’re weak we’re strong and that his strength is made perfect in weakness [2 Corinthians 12: 9-10] and so she–that’s why I saw God in her. I saw that perfect strength in her. She was so strong. She went through so many things that we did not think she would make it out of and she did, and God had her here for a reason. One of the those reasons was to teach me more about him, teach me more about patience, about unconditional love, not only–I don’t want to say that as far as me giving her unconditional love, but receiving unconditional love from her. And there’s so much that people with special needs can teach us that can enrich our lives in ways we didn’t realize. That’s the real blessing. That’s what the Bible talks about too–the blessing of Befriending, having a relationship with someone who has special needs.
Thank you for sharing about her. One of the things that I really would like to do with this podcast is to encourage families of people with special needs that we have a hope to look forward to in heaven. And that’s also an encouragement I believe, for churches. I think a lot of Christians don’t know what to think if they meet someone with a disability. They just don’t know what to think. And I think there’s so much good in terms of–people like that can remind us that this world is not our home and we shouldn’t be getting comfortable here and trying to find happiness here because we are looking forward to a better country, a heavenly one [Hebrews 11:16]. I just think that having people with disabilities around us not only is that what we should be doing anyway because our neighbors are our neighbors and we need to love all of our neighbors [Luke 10:35-37], but also because we can be encouraged that we have this hope to look forward to.
Just to let you know, where i’m coming from, my husband passed away from Covid almost a year and a half ago. So ever since then I’ve really been thinking a lot about heaven and where he is, and just looking forward to being with the Lord and being reunited with him again and so I wanted to ask you what would you say is the joy that is set before you that you are looking forward to?
I’m really sorry to hear about your husband. I’m sure you’re on the grief journey. Because like you said it’s only been one and half years ago, but grief is often more of a process. I’m sure there’s things that you’re going through. I know that families who have kids with special needs whether they were born that way or they became disabled later on, they definitely go through grief. I kind of have delved a lot into learning about grief. I’ve experienced grief quite a bit, not only with my daughter when she lost her abilities, when she had her brain injury, but also then again when she passed. And with people in my family who have passed. I feel like I’ve had a real good lesson in grief–lessons in grief. I hope that you’re finding God’s comfort.
Yeah, thank you. It’s definitely a process, a journey.
Yeah, just like you said, I feel like people of special needs ministry are our neighbors, they are in our community, yet we are not really seeing them. we have to make an effort. Luke 14 [Luke 14:12-24] really spells it out: Go out into the alleys, the byways and the highways. They first went out to invite people because the other people they invited did not want to go to the banquet. He says, go look for the poor, the lame, the blind and the crippled. So they did invite them, but they said they still had room. He said, go out to the highways, the alleys, the byways, the places that you maybe wouldn’t necessarily go. Make an effort. This is how I see it as, make an effort to invite people, to find them, to say, hey, did you know that we have a Buddy Break? Did you know that we have a church over here? You’re welcome to come to our church and that scripture says, invite them so that my house might be full. I know churches right now after Covid, they are kinda reeling as far as attendance. Many churches haven’t gotten back to where that attendance level is. This is a good reminder of where we can go so that his house can be full. Look for people with special needs because they need the Lord, they need Jesus. I think they are the last people group in our world today that need to be reached. They are not only in different countries. They are right in our backyard and they have not heard the gospel because they are not going to church. Because they are not talking to them. People feel uncomfortable, they don’t know what to say. It’s just like for anybody else, you go and introduce yourself. Tell them who you are. Say, hey, i saw that you have a maybe a child with special needs. Start a conversation. If you have Buddy Breaks, definitely invite them to Buddy Breaks. We also, Nathaniel’s Hope, has a program in the works called Nathaniel’s Neighbor. Where you do reach out to your neighbor. Seeing if there’s a practical need you can meet for them. Get something at the grocery store. It might be some small thing, that would be very helpful for them.
[Interlude]
What do you think heaven will be like for those with disabilities?
Well, you know, the Bible says that we’ll have new bodies, and so those bodies will not have any encumbrance [2 Corinthians 5:1-5]. For me personally, and maybe because my daughter was not born with a disability but she became disabled–is that she will have full use of that body. Whatever new body we have is gonna be awesome. I don’t think anyone will have any encumbrance. I feel like we’ll be free from whatever constraints our body has now. And I don’t know what that means, what that looks like, or how it will feel. I just know it will be better than what we have now. So much better.
That’s great. It’s so encouraging, to think that way.
I should say, too, there will be no more suffering [Revelation 21:3-4]. I know that with my daughter’s disability, her medical condition, she went through a lot. She went through, it just seemed like, they were doing experimentation on her sometimes. There were so many types of procedures that were very painful. I’m just thankful that she’s not having to experience that any more.
Absolutely.
[Interlude]
What would you say to American churches in general regarding people with disabilities?
I would say that we need to reach out. We need to do what the Bible says. We need to invite them in. We need to … I’m not a theologian, but really how it talks in the Bible–in Luke 14: First there’s a banquet–talking about a banquet, inviting them–people who are crippled, blind, lame and the poor, to invite them to a banquet [Luke 14:12-24]. 2 Samuel 9, Mephibosheth was invited for the rest of his life to eat with the king [2 Samuel 9:13]. In 1 Corinthians 12, it’s talking about the weaker parts, the parts that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and it says something about honoring those parts that… bringing greater honor to the parts that lack it [1 Corinthians 12:22-25]. To me it’s kind of saying that we need to give special attention, special recognition or making an effort to invite, welcome in, and also then, like 1 Corinthians 12 talks about, having everyone as a being a part… knowing that they’re a part of the body of Christ [1 Corinthians 12:12]. Their gifts are being used. And we’re all working together and that will make the body whole. So I would always want to encourage churches to do that, to put special needs ministry… and it doesn’t have to even have a specialized ministry. We would love for every church to be doing Buddy Breaks. Really, if people were a part of church just naturally, if everyone were–if everyone who had special needs were a part of the body of Christ, we wouldn’t necessarily have to have a disability ministry. It would just be something that we’re doing. Everyone is having relationships with each other and serving and using their gifts reaching out to others in their community. But really we’re not there, so I would say to think about having a special needs ministry. Think of what the Bible is saying to us and put it into practice.
Yeah, that’s good. If anyone listening wants to know more about Buddy Breaks can you give me the website for that?
Sure, it’s www.nathanielshope.org.
Ok, well thank you so much for your time. It was great to hear about Jennifer and about what you’ve learned from her and how you’ve been encouraged through her.
You know what too, Rachel, I don’t know if I mentioned to you–we’re doing a Make ‘m Smile event. We are–that’s going to be August 27 at America’s Teaching Zoo in Moorpark [CA]. It’s going to be a big celebration of people who have special needs. Free food, free activities, like bounce houses. They and their family will be able to go through the zoo for free as well. We’ll have resource tables there as far as any organization that is serving the special needs community–can sign up and it’s all on our website under “our programs,” It’s Make ‘m Smile SoCal. All of the information is there. For anyone in the area who would like to be there. As a VIP family, as a sponsor, exhibitor or volunteer.
OK, great. That sounds like a lot of fun.
It should be. I was at the one in Orlando on June 4 and that’s a huge event. That one’s open to the public. Ours is open only to VIP families. But it is just a huge party–big celebration. It’s amazing. They had expected like 30,000 people to go to the event. It’s so much fun for the families. Encouraging and affirming time for the families.
Yeah, thank you so much for the info and for your time.
Thanks, Rachel, for the opportunity to share.
[Take-aways]
- Her daughter was peaceful, content, strong and full of the fruit of the Spirit. If you have a chance to get to know someone with a disability, and don’t take it, you can miss out on a lot. A VIP may not be able to contribute to their own self-help needs, but they contribute to life in intangible ways.
- Make an effort. This means, say hello to someone. Don’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing, because then you will say nothing.
- This is the hope that we have: Our bodies will not have any encumbrance in heaven. We’ll get new bodies. And that goes for all of us.
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Credits
Music: “Vivacity” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/